How to deal with needy peopleby Donna Lee on 01/31/12
It is safe to say that almost everyone knows a needy person. Needy people are toxic and can be draining for the people in their life. Most of the time, needy people aren't mean but they do not understand boundaries because they want what they want no matter how it makes other people in their life feel.
CHARACTERISTICS OF A NEEDY PERSON
1. They have unrealistic expectations of others. For example if a needy person calls someone, they do expect that person to pick up the phone no matter what time of the day it is. I have heard from needy people that they feel avoided if someone does not pick up right away. They do not want to be called back. They want the phone answered right away and for the person to sound so happy to hear form them.
2. They are demanding out of need to be validated. They expect people to act in a way that will accommodate their needs and they have little regard for the person who they want to accommodate them. It is about the needy person's feelings only.
3. They are manipulative. They will call people selfish if they are not number one in their life. Unrealistic, but yes needy people expect to be number one in other people's lives. Heaven forbid that you are dating a needy person, because you are going to be exhausted. Every thing that you do for yourself will cause the needy person to call you selfish and inconsiderate of their needs.
4. Needy people can only see what they want and hey you should want to please them. If they call and you don't pick up even if you are at work or indisposed at the moment, that is not a good enough excuse. Drop everything and meet their unrealistic expectations.
5. Needy people feel that when they do not get what they want that they are being rejected. Emotionally healthy people know that rejection is an illusion that it is not possible to always get out way. A needy person does not get it. Being told no is torture for them. It stems from their childhood and or teen issues with rejection. They have not healed their past issues so everyone that they deal with is in for a toxic ride.
6. CONTROLLING! Need I say more. Their way or no way!
7. They love to talk about their issues all the time but have no time or can care less to listen to anyone else. They will want to talk about themselves for hours on the phone but suddenly have to go when it is your turn to talk about your issues. They are highly self-involved people. Everything in their life is a crisis!
8. Basically, a needy person needs their emotions babysat all the time. It is too much work to deal with babysitting someone's emotions. Their are so sensitive and everything hurts their feelings because they have so many layers of unhealed emotional wounds that they have not dealt with.
THEY DO NOT CARE IF YOU ARE BUSY OR HAVE ISSUES IN YOUR OWN LIFE. They want you to put them first.
HOW TO SURVIVE A NEEDY PERSON
1. Give them your boundaries. No they won't like it because they won't be able to control you and have their way all the time. If you do not give them boundaries, they will control you.
2. It is better to get them out of your life if possible especially if you are dating a needy person. You can't be happy ever with someone who is one sided and demanding. Love won't cure this type of behavior. If a needy person is left with no one in their life, eventually they will get it that they have to change.
Needy people will exist as long as someone in their life will feed their neediness. JUST SAY NO TO NEEDY PEOPLE. If you are the needy person, get counseling or the result will be loneliness because eventually everyone will pull out of your life.