Why Your Healing Cannot Depend on the Person Who Hurt You

When someone wounds you deeply, through betrayal, abandonment, neglect, or cruelty, it’s natural to wish they would see the pain they caused, apologize, and change. Many of us imagine that if they finally “got it,” then we would be able to truly heal. But here’s the truth: your healing can never depend on the person who hurt you.

They May Never Care, or Even Understand

The person who hurt you may never recognize the depth of your pain. They may not have the emotional capacity, the self-awareness, or the willingness to take accountability. Waiting for them to wake up and validate your suffering can become a prison of stagnation. It leaves your growth, peace, and abundance in their hands.

Stopping Your Healing = Stopping Your Growth

When you put your healing on pause until someone else does their inner work, you stop your own flow of energy. Healing isn’t just about “feeling better”, but it’s about reclaiming your power, breaking old patterns, and opening the door to abundance. By waiting for their healing, you are handing them the keys to your freedom.

Healing Is Your Sacred Responsibility

Healing is not about condoning what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about saying:
“I refuse to let this pain define me forever. I choose to grow, even if they never change.”
Your healing is your birthright. It belongs to you, not to them. Every step you take toward your healing, through somatic work, journaling, forgiveness of self, and reclaiming your boundaries, strengthens your spirit and opens space for joy and abundance to return.

When you release the need for them to change, you untie the knot that keeps you bound to the past. You step fully into your own timeline of growth, expansion, and freedom.

Journal Prompts

1. Where in my life am I still waiting for someone else’s apology or growth before I allow myself to move forward?

2. What would reclaiming my healing and abundance look like if I stopped waiting for them to change?

3. How can I create rituals or practices that remind me my healing belongs to me, not to anyone else?

Dr. Donna Somatic Grief Coach

#grief #betrayal #healinghurt #healingtrauma #mentalhealth #spirituality