Five ways that you might be seeking validation in your relationship that is actually ruining it and leaving you feeling empty

June 19, 2017

Wanting to find a great partner and having that relationship work out is a desired goal that can drive a woman to make choices that end up leaving her feeling mentally drained instead of connected to her partner?

 

Women have always had pressure in society to be everything to everyone. Relationships have been a way that has pushed some women to over please in order to feel validated and accepted. The fear of abandonment and being alone will cause a woman who is determined to be in a relationship make choices that hurt her and cause her to lose herself.

Perfection is often a subconscious issue that pushes women to try to be everything that her mate desires. She does not always ask her partner what their needs are because she feels that she should already know. This type of pressure leads losing herself and ending up losing the prize that she had wanted most. The guy.

 

The top five things that ruin a relationship

 

Liking what he likes even if you really can’t stand what he likes. There is a belief that you must like the same things as he does or else he won’t want you are wrong. Often a man is looking for a woman who has her own mind. Men like a challenge in a healthy way. Meaning they do not always expect their woman to agree with them on everything. When a man wants a woman to like everything he does, he if often insecure and controlling. A real man loves individuality. Besides pretending to like what he likes will only prevent him from ever knowing the real you. He will not know how to please you and contribute to the relationship working if he does not know what your needs are. Basically by constantly agreeing with him, you are preventing your needs from being met. Speak up and speak your truth. That is how you get what you want out of a relationship.

 

You answer the phone as soon as he calls, although he takes his time calling you.  By waiting and waiting for him to call, then once he does, you drop everything to answer the phone out of fear that you will miss his call, sends a signal to him that you on demand. His demand! I am not saying to play a game. I have observed this many times. Even when a client is talking to me, she sees that her man is calling and she wants to end the session early to take his call. That sends the message that your time is not valuable. He can call you when he wants and take how long he wants to call without him having any fear of you not answering.

 

You are constantly trying to prove that you are different from all of the other women that he has been with.  You do not know all of the women that he has been with. You only know what he has said. That is only part of the story. You can’t compete with a woman that you do not even know. Besides, if you have to compete and prove to him that you are different from the rest, then you are with the wrong person. Relationships are not competitions. You being you should be enough. Any time that you have to work at proving yourself to your partner, you are in the wrong relationship. Love is about accepting the person for who they are.

 

You are a peace keeper. Heaven forbids that you speak up and say something that might upset him. It goes back to wanting to stay in agreement with him out of fear of upsetting him. You never tell him what is bothering you. You hope that he will notice your facial expressions and ask what is wrong. Better yet, he will read your mind. The fear of losing him causes you to stay silent about things that are bothering you. The truth is that everything comes to the surface eventually. The universe will cause it to do so. What is avoided will grow into a bigger issue until it cannot be avoided and longer. The relationship will die due to not speaking up because an emotional wall of disappointment and hurt is built. When we stay silent on the things that are bothering up, we end up doing harm to the point of not being able to repair the damage. Speak up early on in the relationship which will increase the chances of it lasting.

 

You are putting up with his crap. He calls when he wants, he turns you into a booty call, he is secretive, etc., etc. and you are holding on waiting for a change to happen. Why would he change? It is working for him. Putting up with poor behavior is the same as giving consent for it to continue.

 

In order to stop these non-working patterns, you must always know your worth. The only guarantee is that you can lose yourself and lose the love that you desire by choosing non-working behaviors. A healthy loving relationship should not leave you walking on eggshells or drained. Be your true self and you will attract a partner who is ideal for you.

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