Do you have proper boundaries? Setting boundaries are my life long spiritual lesson. I have to stay aware at all times to make sure that I am clear on my boundaries. Yesterday, I had a boundary challenge. I took a deep breath, thought about what was being asked of me. I was able to tell the person that I was unable to do what they were asking me to do. Spiritual growth is a journey that never ends. It takes daily awareness and practice. Enjoy my new blog on setting boundaries.
Having boundaries can be tough. It requires being able to put your own needs first without feeling guilty. If you are a people pleaser and a peace keeper, setting boundaries is a hard thing to do. Yes, people will resent you for having boundaries because they will be unable to use you and control you. The minute that you tell someone no, they might get offended and hurt. In order to set boundaries, you must be able to not feel guilty for putting your needs above everyone else’s. If you are a yes person, setting boundaries will be hard.
The six things that people with healthy boundaries do
1.Not only do they like themselves, they love who they are. Yes, it starts with loving yourself enough to see your worth. Once you see that your feelings and needs matter, you will find it easier to not make commitments to things that you do not want to do.
2.They practice self-care. Yes self-care. Sounds selfish and self-indulgent but it is a good thing for everyone to do. Self-care allows for time to think, heal and reset. Which leads to greater self-awareness. Which makes it easier to take a moment and think if doing something that is being asked of them is good or bad. Self-care calms the minds and reminds us that yes, our needs matter without apology.
3.They have their shit together. Yes, their life is organized. They know what they have time for and what will cause them to be over extended which makes it easier to set boundaries with other people.
4.They do not need to be liked. Needing to be liked can get a person into trouble. Wanting approval and having people call us wonderful makes for over extending self to keep the praise coming in.
5.They do not suffer from FOMO. Yes, the fear of missing out makes for saying yes to every event and volunteering when it is not possible to do it all. Realizing that it is not possible to be everywhere with everyone and that it is okay to not go to everything makes for an inner peace which makes it easy to say “no maybe next time”.
6.There is an understanding that “no” is a complete sentence. Saying no feels good. It is not associated with guilt or wondering if it would hurt the person’s feelings. Worrying about someone’s feelings because they do not want to be told no can make for being a mental slave. No is not about hurting anyone. It is about saying yes to yourself without apology.
Having healthy boundaries is hard. It takes time, practice and being fed up with feeling drained. It is about self-love and self-care. Putting yourself first makes it easier to like other people without feeling resentful. The right people will respect your boundaries. The people who do not like that you have boundaries will get mad and leave your life. Think of setting boundaries as an energetic cleansing for your life.