Sabotage is a sensitive subject because of the fact that people who sabotage view their behavior as a form of protection and logic instead of sabotage. It is a form of destruction due to wanting to prevent further pain by proving a point that things are going to go wrong so why not speed up the process.
Yes, sabotage is about fear of things not working out and assuming it won’t work so the person sabotaging is just proving themselves to be right. It is a subconscious action. It is not even seen by the person doing it until after the damage is done. They can’t catch themselves in the act because there are reacting to past hurt and trauma.
Yes, people beg and scream that they want to meet the ideal partner who will treat them well. Once they have it, it appears too good to be true. It feels uncomfortable. They are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everything is still going well so they create a situation to test their partner. If their partner expresses any frustration with their sabotaging behavior, the person sabotaging can say to themselves “see nothing good ever happens to me “.
The four ways that relationships are sabotaged
1.Playing hard to get. Yes, wanting to be chased and pursued on a regular basis. Hoping that it will make them feel safe knowing that the person wants them so badly to the point of being willing to chase them daily.
2.Being difficult. Being rude, mean or just plain bitchy. There is an assumption that if the person will put up with them being difficult that they must really love them.
3.Accusing their partner of cheating. They were cheated on in the past so they are projecting the fear of being cheated on by their current partner.
4.Picking fights. Fighting prevents intimacy. A person who sabotages fears getting close to their partner because they fear getting hurt. Picking a fight is a great way to stay emotionally unavailable.
Sabotaging never satisfies the fear that is going on inside of the person. The person who sabotages is left living an endless cycle that leads to more hurt. It is always better to face the relationship pain of the past so that the future relationships can be healthy and feel safe.